Idhu love dhaane, samyu?
- Feb 4
- 2 min read
Lately I've been on the constant verge of tears. Never breaking. I've been blue about the utter lack of romantic prospects, let alone a relationship, in my life.
The grand lack of love.
I'm sick. The fever makes my heart beat like a gong in my chest. But I went on a walk yesterday, after several days of sick rotting. Nightime. Full moon. I let myself pause, and stand, and stare at the moon. Mid street, see how the branches of the campus trees framed the solitary cosmic spotlight. I didn't think too much about people walking by. I tried to forget myself, where I stood, what people would think of me standing there.
Instead, I willed myself to get immersed. It was easy. It was like the noise around me faded out. Like there really was a knob for my senses. Heightening one and toning the other.
It was lovely. It was- admiring a painting that I lived in. I let the light wash over me. Make me feel cleansed. Isn't this love?
I walked on. I stopped at trees. I focused on the tree as a whole, then at a leaf, then at a branch, then at its movements. Focusing and unfocusing. Changing the screens. Trees are one of my favourite escapes. They're free to watch, easily accessible, and super nice to us. Ace creation honestly.
I walked on. More trees. Some lit lunarly, some by streetlights. Changing my positions, tilting my head, seeing how the bright greens shifted from the dark. And i thought about my friend Arun, who also loves trees. I thought about how we all innately have such a connection to nature.
How we all have atleast once looked at something of the earth; with wonder and gratitude. As I looked, i imagined humans everywhere also stopping by. Taking it in. I felt less alone. Isn't this love, Sam?
One particular tree I stopped at was in front of the side of a building. Opposite, a street lamp. It cast shadows and silhouettes onto the wall like moving paintings. I stood there longer than anywhere else. It felt like a language made of motion. Patient. Warm. Rustling. I didn't try to understand, I just wanted to listen.
A popular reference from the movie Vinnai Thaandi Varuvaya goes "Idhu love dhaane, Jessi?" - meaning: this is love, right? Sankari and I quote it all the time and laugh. But...
"இது love தானே, Samyu?"
ஆம்.
(04/02/26)
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